Closer I get to God more things happen. both good and bad. Do I bless or do I curse. It is difficult for me to hate even those who I know who Are lost. I want to try to help even if it destroys my reputation. God Knows my heart. What you see is not always what my heart and God is working on. To learn you must expose your self to wickedness. Even if it means making some not to smart moves. How can you help unless you know what goes throw the head of the helpless the people who think all have turned the backs on. I see a hurt and hurting people around the world looks for a way to love but yet they have no clue or do not want to know that love. Sex never helps it can in fact make the problem far worse. I said to God years ago I would never have sex unless I get married. This means I do not date to not have the remote temptation. Sure, i am tempted but I know God will keep you safe if it in his will.
I still live at home for medical reasons. Can I take care of my self Do not know. Why leave when you have most things provided. I do cut the grass and do a lot of the heaven lifting as well when they ask me. If you do not have a medical reason to get a job by all means try to get a job. Would love to be able to be normal. The most normal I have is writing this. I have found I like to write. I just do not have the patents or focus to stay on one topic instead of dozens. Yep, that way losing focus the last few sentences. People say you look fine get a job. Yeah getting a job for anyone is hard. But when you factor in Autism, ADD, Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. It can be down right impossible especially when You act not so normal. And then their is anger problem that really acts up when I am too stressed or too much change happens too fast. If I am angry I need to leave if I can’t I tend to explode. I do not want to hit anyone so keep to as small events as possible. This means many, many lonely nights. And then you factor in I came out gay as well. Plus A firm believer in Christ. Autism + Christian + Autism and other problems + gay = A very bad combination.
A vast majority of things I post are very much marketing. Even the strange/ controversial things. Most of the controversial things I am trying to integrate it with everything. Controversial or not is it very much me. It always has been. I do not care what most people say. I care for those who are closest to me. I am Christian, but I am not perfect. No one Is. Could I grow far faster than I am? Could I open far more than I do yes? Most of my network are either Christian or business people. So integrating the controversial things will not happen quickly. And Yes, It would make me labeled as a total nut case of not help possible at least most Christians would say that. What I post and comment on is very mild I have to be that way. Do not want to but you have to watch your steps. I am already on many radars do not need to be on more. That controversial area would be every single LGBTIAQ+ related website on the planet. That is what I do when The depression acts up. I do mean 100% Of all related sites in those areas. Even those sites are the primary source of my great new networks I used to join. How can you help people if you do not know what makes them tick? Average Books will not help one bit. To help people you must go were, they are.
As much as I post and as crazy and strange things are. I can post really out landish things if I wanted too. I keep things tame for the most part not to upset too many people. But, if I am going into a new web area all bets are off at least for a few weeks to months. until I can test what people will bear. I have gained enough info I will start pulling back enough to merge it in to the rest of my networks for a new growth. Many things I do online are mainly for growth and to expand my networks. Almost everything I do online is to build a bigger network in all areas. I found one that is controversial in what I thought was going to be and I can integrate it far better than the other one. You must constantly develop new marketing techniques to expand. If I do not support it I do not post it. Simple. I support far more things than just biblical moral areas.
As crazy as it may sound I am not as nuts as you may think I am. i just like to open doors bigger and deeper than most care to try to. Not in the everyday ways as everyone else. I have to open them very different. I can open them and persecute those who do not agree with me. Or I can say I have this problem for a long time. and slowly open it to more people. I am not perfect. Many people I know yes they do have there heads screwed on right. I do as well. I just do not have the same thought process as many people. I try to build connections with the gifts I have. If this means having a gun pointed at me from the Christian or very conservative community So be. I am very much saved I am just reaching out to people who need the help. More than the average person. I understand those who have big mental problems. Most people I am unable to help even if they come to me in person. I can tell more about people than you think I do. all people who are this sensitive to the spirit can as well. You just have to let God lead your ways. No, I am not doing any thing different in public now. I have always talked to the LGBTIAQ+ areas online. But, I have never Used my name publicaly saying things. In order to do what I am doing I had to become strong enough to hold back the back lash from the Christian community. The area you find tends to me more closed minded than most of the even far left people I talk to on a regular basis. I do research everything people say online as they are talking. I do look into everyone who are the closed to me. Those who use fake names I do not believe one bit. Even if I say I do.
God knows our hearts. He fixes things as the winds blow. Prayer helps a lot. I could never have a story about how I was saved deep down I knew How can I save/ bring people to the lord when sin in keeping me in bondage. This male attractions is nothing new. It won’t be a fast healing either. God heals in his time. Not ours. All Through school people would call me names. most of the name were very right on. Gay and Fag were not wrong about me. I just could hide it very well from most people. Yep, I would be looking at the other guys in the room more than the girls. Never really cared for them. I just went with the flow of things. IT was not worth another total mental break down to try to hide who I am. Gay…sorta. So, I decided on 9/12/2015 to come out on Facebook. The anxiety, stress, depression went way down. I am far happier now than I was. Try to hide sin for too long it will cause all sorts of things. Day by day I am accepting. What sin causes. But, God has a plan for me not to destroy me but to bless me and through me to others. I will have ups and way downs. If you see me join lots of Gay communities/ sites/ networks Yep that is me. Hope it won’t last too long. Generally if it is the true me I will use my real name.